things i like #10

i've been feeling like complete and utter shit for the past few days but here are some things that were ok

- the new toothpaste i bought and the way it feels in my mouth and on my teeth, it encourages me to really brush vigorously. the noise it makes. somehow it's different from the slippery one i had before
- vanilla iced lattes from the china center
- slowly watching the level of honey recede from the small bottle that i bought after daily use. currently it's at around 60%
- seeing people in the street that i recognise, even if i don't speak to them. today i was going to lunch and saw el-amin in the window at the bank and did a double take and made him come and watch me eat, which was probably a little cruel because he's fasting but he seemed down and i'm not free at non-meal points in the day.
- the fact that the mint-blue tank top i'm wearing at the moment is a shirt that i really hated for a few years and suddenly like again because when i wear it with mom jeans it makes me feel really butch. i imagine myself glinting with sweat as i fix a motorcycle and then ride away on it with my soft girlfriend. it's nice that this shirt has returned to my good graces. i usually abandon clothes once i stop liking them and i would've thrown this away but i didn't and that was a good idea

and yet despite these things being nice they did nothing to make me feel any better. i'm sick and exhausted and working myself to the ground and i just need summer to come so that i can be on vacation even though i won't really be 100% on vacation and will still have 489842898 to do. i just need to survive another 9 days. im burning out.