A poem I worked on from June (?) to September of 2016. I had originally planned on publishing it in my magazine, perhaps, but decided against it, because I didn't want 小季阿姨 to see it (and I still don't). In year 13 (2017) I created Hiroshima mon amie, a work of performance art with references to Ren Hang's poetry (which I translated and can be found on this blog) as well as the movie Hiroshima mon amour, where I paint a portrait of Elise and then burn it as a way to find closure. Originally conceived as just another exhibition piece needed for IB Art, I found that it actually helped. Afterwards, I no longer felt the need to create art about Elise; I had finally reconciled with the truth. Between 2013 and 2017 though, I did write 3 fully completed works of writing about Elise. This is one of them. The mahjong theme was revisited in Good Things Come in Thirteens, a poem about body and physicality that appeared in Sine Theta's issue #3.

See English text at the very end as blurb/footnote to the poem, which is pretty nonsensical without it.

The poem started out as a simple exercise in Chinese wordplay, whilst being bored in Chinese class. As with most of my work, it gradually developed until it revealed my true concerns at the time of writing. I then refashioned it around the true theme that I had to discover through freehand writing.

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上吊英雄传

Jiaqi Kang

ladies and 乡亲们

能听得见吗？

给我好好听着

我好像丢了东西

我好像丢了南北

能看得见吗？

给我好好看着

我好像丢了眼镜

我好像丢了眼睛

早就化成了灰

早就化成了霉

我真倒霉

1.东

日出

东邪

赤着脚 踩着沙滩

又粘又湿的沙子抓住赤的脚

年年出去玩沙子

蓝

天

蓝

海

赤着脚 踩着走廊里的地毯

踩着灰 踩着你我

踩着一种奇怪的骄傲

黄河向东流哇

黄皮肤 黄土地

电视上节目上

44 63 66 67

邓超嘎叽嘎叽嘎叽

we are 伐木累

不觉得好烦吗？

不觉得超级无聊吗？

看的清楚吗？

2.西

夕阳

西毒

猴年马月的某个周六

画展顾长卫乌云汉堡蜡烛夜晚街道

沉默在黑暗中的街道

接下来到lord nelson pub喝啤酒

那金色的透明的恶心的液体在

金箍棒里装着好高好高

高到天空

大闹天宫

哎

我妈要是问的话

就说咱们吃饭吃的

超级特别非常的

晚

好吗？

还有佰意楼下厕所旁边卡拉OK

日内瓦唯一的正宗的中国的卡拉OK

男女

女男

邓丽君像蜂蜜一样

又粘又粘又湿的蜂蜜粘住你我

贼猫晚上来敲门

用爪子抓门敲门

唱着一口独上西楼

谁呀

才刚九点就已经唱的这么high

冲完厕所独自一人上楼梯

不觉得好可笑吗？

你还记得吗？你还记得吗？

3.南

星空

南帝

难题难到你了吗？

那缺乏氧气的教室里有你

那充满灰尘的走廊里有你

赤着脚 踩着楼梯上西楼

一楼 二楼 三楼 四

那古老的桌子旁有你

那旅馆的白床前有你

羊年洋气喜羊羊

周五晚上的气氛里有你

吃喝拉撒看电视

中国好声音3

中国好声音4

中国好声音一起像铁丝一样勒死

那个啦啦meme手心抱着陶瓷脑袋

我的内心几乎是奔溃的

遮住眼睛难道就看不见了吗？

你说孟姜女哭长城那时候才几岁呀

眼里那么多泪

脸上那么多泪

那么多泪的时候倒立根本没用

（至少能洗个头）

看的清楚吗？

听的清楚吗？

你还记得吗？

4.北

月光

北丐

我那天忘了在哪里又

听到了月光下的凤尾竹

我那天忘了在哪里又

看见了你画的那些小人

它们一个一个的那么

渺小

苗条

这不是你所要的吗？

你为什么不回答我？

你为什么不理我？

我有做错什么吗？

是因为我那年夏天没有在whatsapp上回你吗？

那两个蓝色的弯勾是不是和毕加索一九零几年一样

那样甜蜜？

邓丽君像蜂蜜一样

又粘又粘又湿的蜂蜜粘住你我

明月光代表我的思念

地上霜代表我们俩之间的友情

我们当年是最好的朋友

现在应该说闺蜜吧

我们还是好朋友吧？

你答应我好吗？

你去哪里了？

你为什么不理我？

中神通

眼神里的疼痛

心里窝着一只死苍蝇

你还记得吗？

当然不记得 没事儿 我知道你不在

我知道你没在

我四处寻找你

我走遍江湖寻找你

终于在灰尘之间发现了你的骨髓

看来这武侠的命实在是不适合你

你的眼睛从背后看着我

看什么看？看什么看？

轻轻的你走了

正如你轻轻的来

闭上眼睛睡吧

明天还得早起

该你坐庄了 快扔骰子

打十三幺是永远都不会和的。

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English text:

This poem’s structure is inspired by the popular series of Chinese martial arts novels by Louis Cha, The Legend of the Condor Heroes. In it, the Five Greats of the wulin are given the following nicknames: Eastern Heretic, Western Venom, Southern Emperor, Northern Beggar, and Central Deity. The wuxia theme runs parallel to fleeting impressions of past events, references to Chinese popular culture, and accusatory questions. Ultimately, the work is about my best friend, who killed herself in 2013, and the moments she would have experienced alongside me if she were still alive, as well as the numb feeling of disorientation that still surrounds her absence. The style is in part inspired by the poetry of Meilan Steimle, some of which you can read in our first issue.