Notes from when I had no internet for 25 hours (the horror! the horror!)

If I look at the stars for too long it starts to freak me out

Tonight the moon is huge, it's a massive glowing white orb dangling in the sky like a moist rolling eyeball, its light emanating into a halo around it, unclear and seeping into misty black skies

The world is full of white noise like a rushing river or some kind of engine that turns forever without stopping or the wind that blows gently or maybe a plane

In the sky I can only recognise orion's belt with its three aligned dots but i think about how the light im looking at is millions of light years old and for all we know these stars have all gone out and are dead right now, theyre being destroyed, but we dont know because we're looking into the past, it's like that doctor who episode except the people on earth could actually track the disappearance of the stars, i dont know whats worse, knowing or not knowing, does knowing make it better, does not knowing make it easier.

***

The room was full of smoke and I had to put it out. We filled grimy glasses with water and splashed them onto the logs. They sizzled and spat ash everywhere. Eventually the sparks all went out and the air was filled with the scent of fresh bread. I thought of this prehistoric place we went to in year 7. It was a little camp thing in the middle of nowhere with two huge teepees and you could do prehistoric activities like scavenging ingredients for soup and twisting rope. I remember that's how the fireplace at that place smelled like. The man said you could use the ashes for toothpaste.

After the embers went out the logs continued to crackle softly. They made low, wet whistling sounds, like children sucking on the inside of their cheeks.