people i'd like to get to know better

- agnès varda
- hannah arendt
- marguerite yourcenar
- simone de beauvoir
- frantz fanon
- virginia woolf
- jean paul sartre
- bell hooks
- francoise sagan
- umberto eco
- bertolt brecht
- gertrude stein
- jacques derrida
- walter benjamin

R is for...

I think 2017 is the year of me inadvertently consuming some very romantic media. Paterson, La La Land, Moonlight... Do Not Say We Have Nothing was also so romantic, dripping in homoeroticism of the very honeyed kind, very Moonlight-like in that way. Today I went out with Emily and I made her buy the Thien book and I splurged in 4 books at Payot:

• The Idiot by Dostoyevsky 
• Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood
• Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari
• Call Me By Your Name by André Aciman, which I had first heard of as a film that's coming out this year

The last one is so great... it's a hazy humid summer just dripping in romance. If this book had a taste it would be apricots, just like the thick apricot juice that Mafalda makes for Oliver every morning.

It's a very 'Crush Songs by Karen O' type book, I think. So I've put her on and I'm gonna keep reading. I want to read fast but I also find myself savoring each sentence.

I got The Idiot because I'm thinking of getting more into Russian literature, about which I know nothing. I realised today that Russian literature is such a thing, more of a thing than, say, Spanish literature, or whatever. You actually hear about people studying Russian literature a lot, it's about as common as studying Classics or even Art History. And apparently Russian literature is very different. So I'm going to investigate that. I'm excited.

do not say we have nothing

is now my favorite book. i have passionately and unapologetically recommended this book to anyone who will listen. an agonising work about music, mathematics, family, silence, history, memory, love. absolutely exquisite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

j'adore

j'adore le soleil et le son d'oiseaux dans les branches
j'adore les rideaux blancs qui scintillent avec de la lumière
j'adore quand le vent siffle à travers les feuilles et les rideaux se gonflent comme des femmes enceintes, comme dans gatsby quand nous rencontrons daisy pour la première fois
j'adore avoir les portes toutes ouvertes
j'adore l'effroi qu'on sent quand il y a un courant d'air et toutes les portes et fenêtres se ferment soudainement, un grand clac qui s'étouffe avec joie et chaleur
j'adore la fin du printemps et le début de l'été, quand la bise a arrêté de souffler et quand tout est paisible, il ne fait ni trop chaud ni trop froid, j'ai l'impression que tout est parfait et que je ne peux plus jamais être triste dans toute ma vie

j'adore le mot j'adore, quand on était à ovronnaz il y avait une grand-mère dans l'ascenseur une fois, elle portait son petit-fils dans ses bras, elle lui souriait et lui disait, je t'adore, je t'adore, dans une voix toute douce, et il souriait aussi, c'était comme le soleil

from rumi: life & death

i've come again
like a new year
to crash the gate
of this old prison






i've come again
to break the teeth and claws
of this man-eating
monster we call life






i've come again
to puncture the
glory of the cosmos
who mercilessly
destroys humans






i am the falcon
hunting down the birds
of black omen
before their flights






i gave my word
at the outset to
give my life
with no qualms
i pray to the Lord
to break my back
before i break my word






how do you dare to
let someone like me
intoxicated with love
enter your house






you must know better
if i enter
i'll break all this and
destroy all that






if the sheriff arrives
i'll throw the wine
in his face
if your gatekeeper
pulls my hand
i'll break his arm






if the heavens don't go round
to my heart's desire
i'll crush its wheels and
pull out its roots






you have set up
a colorful table
calling it life and
asked me to your feast
but punish me if
i enjoy myself






what tyranny is this

things i like #8

- that feeling you get when you do a whole page of complicated algebra and it all cancels out to give a beautifully simple answer like the number 2
- the feeling of warm sunlight against your skin. it feels like gold.
- zac oyama from collegehumor
- new socks
- the artificial smell of cherries

only god forgives

only god forgives report card:

atmosphere: A+
violence: A
oedipal themes: B-
frames within frames: A+
subversion of shot reverse shot: B
strings music soundtrack: A
lighting: A++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
white people bullshit: F

Wow, I am so sick of watching 'natives' of non-European countries be utterly and completely dehumanised by white protagonists. Apart from Lt. Chang, all the other Thai people in this film might as well be rats. They lack any and all human dignity. Watching them be killed by white people and kill each other was quite nauseating because of how Winding Refn has obviously very little regard for their worth as human beings. I have yet to see a White Man In Asia/Africa story where the 'natives' aren't seen as disposable props. Mai's repulsed stare is my mood at all times throughout that film. I came to see Ryan Gosling kill people with a hammer, but boy was I glad to watch him get beat up by the detective. He deserved that. (Also, I have realised that the hammer scene isn't even in this film, it is in fact from Drive, which is amazing, and better than this film not only because of the hammer but also because of Gosling's bomber jacket, the presence of Oscar Isaac, and a bangin' techno soundtrack.)

This reminds me of that infamous interview where Winding Refn was talking about why he whitewashed Carey Mulligan's character in Drive (she was supposed to be Latina) by saying that he met a lot of Latina actresses but none of them evoked the feeling of innocence, that he didn't feel the desire to protect them, but the second Carey Mulligan walked in he wanted to protect her, and that's why she was cast. I love Carey Mulligan and she did a really great job, but damn, Nick, that is literally so racist.