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dimanche 15 juillet 2018

a love so..... beautiful...??????????

I just finished 致我们单纯的小美好 (A Love So Beautiful), which is this Chinese 23-episode TV show that tracks a group of 5 friends from high school all the way to adulthood and marriage. I started it thinking it would be a really cute rom-com but by the end it turned into a look at a really toxic, unhealthy relationship that is nevertheless portrayed as the most adorable, romantic thing to ever have happened.

Quick summary: Chen Xiaoxi, the main character, is infatuated with her classmate and neighbor Jiang Chen, who claims not to like her back. She spends her whole high school career trying to get him to fall in love with her. (He actually likes her; I'm really not sure why he doesn't act on it sooner). Meanwhile the new guy at school, Wu Bosong, likes her and looks after her a lot. There are also two other people who are their friends and end up getting married - they don't really matter. In university Xiaoxi and Jiang Chen end up together, but they break up upon graduation partly because Jiang Chen leaves to Beijing for a medical residency. Three years later, he returns to Hangzhou to find that Xiaoxi and Wu Bosong are now together. He forces them apart because he still loves Xiaoxi; Xiaoxi and Wu Bosong break up after she rejects his proposal. Xiaoxi and Jiang Chen get back together and get married.

Jiang Chen and Chen Xiaoxi have an awful, abusive relationship and I'm just going to quickly rant about this in bullet points instead of sleeping or doing work for the JCR committee.

The main issue is that, like most romances on screen, the unhealthy aspects are not highlighted and it is portrayed to very impressionable young people as something that is desirable - whereas in real life they should be getting restraining orders.

RED FLAGS BELOW.

  • Xiaoxi is explicitly, clearly infatuated with Jiang Chen throughout high school, but since he professes not to like her back, there is a huge power imbalance between the two of them. First of all, Jiang Chen is a lot more academically excellent and popular, making Xiaoxi seem lacking in comparison. (Later when they're together people often comment that Xiaoxi isn't good enough for him, which further gives him control over her.) Xiaoxi is also much shorter than him so she constantly has to look up to him with big doe eyes like a dependent child. Xiaoxi hangs onto his every word and the way that he treats her, even if it's one word or one look, can affect her mood (which also affects her grades and her life). He is allowed to be as aloof as he wants because he apparently doesn't like her back. 
  • He knows that he holds a ridiculous amount of power over her and is mean to her because he can. He often gets jealous about Wu Bosong and will punish Xiaoxi for it even though she doesn't understand why. 
  • Example: After Xiaoxi embarrasses herself in public, Jiang Chen is about to go comfort her when she sees that she is wearing a T-shirt gifted to her by Wu Bosong after she got her shirt dirty. Wu Bosong has bought a matching one for himself so it looks like they're wearing a couple outfit. Noticing this, Jiang Chen tells Xiaoxi that she is an embarrassment. This causes her to cry for days and for her grades to suffer so much that her parents arrange for her to transfer to a different high school with a stricter learning environment. At the last minute she decides not to because Jiang Chen asks her to stay. (In his POV he says that he has "decided to temporarily forgive her [for 'betraying' him by daring to hang out with a good friend, who she doesn't know likes her] to make her stay at his school.") 
  • He also refuses to vote for her for class president because she was running around on the football field with Wu Bosong. ?????? What??? 
  • I honestly cannot wrap my head around the reason why Jiang Chen doesn't just get together with Xiaoxi in high school. He clearly likes her back because he gets very jealous. Yet he allows her to suffer and be unhappy - not only over the fact he doesn't like her back but also because he leads her to believe that he is flirting with a different girl. He also allows Wu Bosong to suffer, because Wu Bosong is pursuing a girl who clearly has no eyes for him. Wu Bosong would never even be a threat if Jiang Chen and Xiaoxi were already together when he arrived, because he never would have thought about pursuing Xiaoxi at all. The only explanations I can fathom are: 
  • a) Jiang Chen has been cursed by a witch to never date in high school
  • b) much more plausible: Jiang Chen doesn't like Xiaoxi back. He just enjoys the attention and power and control. 
  • Anyway, he's 16 and they're kids. Overall he's still quite a sweet kid struggling with his own issues. 
  • How their relationship starts: Jiang Chen kisses her while she is drunk. Then he starts telling people she's his girlfriend until she notices. 
  • He takes her for granted and totally assumes that she consents to whatever it is he has planned for her. She does, in fact, consent but he never asks her what she thinks - only expects her to continue to adore him. 
  • Although they are now together, he continues to be very cold and aloof towards her, and it's usually not obvious that this is done out of affection. Why is he still playing hard to get? Meanwhile she has to beg him for attention and constantly be really nice because a small slip up can piss him off so much that he ignores her. 
  • He orders her around and decides the speed at which the relationship progresses.
  • He tries to make her dependent on her. She does not make any other friends (okay, it's a show, they don't want to add too many new characters but still.) He forbids her from drinking alcohol. He tries to forbid her from getting a summer job, saying that if she wants money she can ask him for it - literally attempting to tie her to him, making her unable to live without him. When he decides such things for her there's never an explanation or even a hint of suggestion: it's just "because I said so." 
  • Sidenote that isn't really about one person abusing another but a sign of an awful, toxic relationship: I have literally never seen them have a real conversation while together?? They don't communicate - the reason why they break up is because they're constantly trying to guess the other's emotions, and don't tell each other extremely important things. Instead they harbor resentment towards each other, which is the reason why they break up. There is no basis to their relationship at all. They merely react to the situations that occur in each episode. 
  • He initially tells his boss that he doesn't want to go to Beijing because he and his girlfriend are going to get married - something that he never brought up to Xiaoxi. 
  • During the three years that he is in Beijing, he continues to think about her and tells people that yes, he does have a girlfriend. 
  • When he returns, he sees that she has moved on. He asks her whether she regrets breaking up; she says no. He continues to pursue her even though she is in a relationship and repeatedly tells him that she does not want to be with him or even see him. 
  • He takes advantage of the fact that she is too polite to tell him to fuck off to insert himself into her life constantly. (To be honest, based on his behavior, if she told him outright to go away and got angry and insulted him he might have become violent.) 
  • He uses a fake girlfriend who helps him to manipulate a situation so that he and Xiaoxi end up alone together. 
  • He kisses her multiple times without her consent. 
  • He corners and confronts her, demanding that she apologise to him. FOR WHAT?? I still don't understand. He does not apologise to her. 
  • In fact I may be wrong but he may have never, ever, ever apologised to her ever. 
  • He has lots of power and money, so he does huge favors for her (mainly: using his influence at the hospital to get faster and better treatment for her father; selling his car to be able to spend 400k to self-publish a book for her through a big publishing house whose owner is his patient) even though she never asked, and in fact is unaware that he has gone so far to help her out behind the scenes. Obviously this makes their relationship even more imbalanced. He already acts like she owes him unconditional adoration, but now she actually does owe him. 
  • He does boyfriend-style things like picking her up and actively competing against Wu Bosong, who is literally her actual boyfriend. 
  • He remains friends with her friends, and her friends invite him to every social gathering even though she is clearly uncomfortable being in the same room with him. 
  • He remains in very good terms with her parents and uses them as a way to get close to her. 
  • He tells her, "We will get back together". It is not a question but an order. 
  • He is controlling and possessive, at all times, whether or not they are together. 
  • He never considers Xiaoxi's personal feelings and opinions, because he does not consider her to be a human being. He never asks her what she thinks - just assumes that she will agree because she is like a puppy who thinks he can do no wrong. She is an object to him. He tells Wu Bosong, "she has always belonged to me." 
  • After she breaks up with Wu Bosong, Xiaoxi and Jiang Chen's relationship begins anew because he kisses her without her permission and then cuddles her while she sleeps, also, obviously, without her permission.
  • A highly disturbing piece of dialogue, taking place when Xiaoxi wakes up to find herself in his arms and he wraps his arms tighter so she can't escape his grasp: 
  • Jiang Chen: Where are you going? 
  • Xiaoxi: Toilet. 
  • Jiang Chen: Will you be coming back? 
  • Xiaoxi: ... Yes. 
  • Jiang Chen: Okay, you can go. But come back as soon as you can. 
  • I don't think I need to explain how fucked up this is. They aren't together at this point. He would not have allowed her to leave his grasp unless she agreed to return. But apparently this is very cute and they get together after this?????? 
  • While she is very drunk, he asks her if she wants him to propose and she says yes. The next morning, he tells her that she had proposed the night before, and suggests they get married soon. Which she of course doesn't remember, because she was drunk and because it didn't happen. Yet he insists it was the case. This is gaslighting. 
  • I don't understand this at all?? Why would he want to do this? It makes no sense. The only reason behind this is simply for control. 
  • The evening after he proposes to her, she doesn't want to have sex with him and doesn't want him to come over. He forces the door open and enters her home, eventually ending up in the same bed as her. 
  • The entire time that her ex is stalking her and harassing her, Chen Xiaoxi has no way out. If she tries to move away, Jiang Chen would probably transfer to a hospital near her. He would never have let her rest until she agreed to be with him again. 
Again, my biggest issue is that this is portrayed as a love story to "melt your heart", according to the YouTube description. It teaches young girls and young boys that such behavior is acceptable in a relationship. It is not. The entire relationship is a red flag made up of small red flags and Jiang Chen would have made Xiaoxi's life a living hell for the rest of her life, which would probably have ended with her being murdered by her husband, who is an abuser. 

This has actually made me afraid to ever break up with my boyfriend, in case he somehow ends up becoming that crazy ex and/or the next men I date will be abusers who will ruin my life. This show has made me very upset and uncomfortable. Bye. 

7 commentaires:

  1. I completely agreed with! I’m so glad you took the time to write this out! I heard so much good things about this show and was excited to watch it but I found Jiang Chen’s behavior to be horrifying. I don’t understand why this show is so highly rated.

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  2. I followed your method, went nc for 1days...this clearly turn things over and make her react, that evening she apologized, say she loved me and ask to get back together which i accepted. I didnt even have to ask her back myself!! Im so happy i order your spell and want to express my sincere thanks . for more details visit
    templeofanswer@hotmail . co . uk
    whatsapp + 234 8155 42548-1
    Best regards,Fernando

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  3. i going to have to say i disagree.I will say you made very good points but everything always happens for a reason.

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  4. and also about the last part i don't think you should just jump in like that. Yeah he maybe a little mean but that may be the way he flirts with her.

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  5. Réponses
    1. If you don't have anything of substance to say, then say that.

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  6. I´m going to disagree in some points that u gave, Xiaoxi n Wu Busong never dated, tbh, i dont know why he propose to her, but, he clearly did it bc he was hella jealous of Jiang Chen. Yes, u were wrong in the apology one, Jiang Cheng actually apologized to her and addmitted to be inmature at that moment. Yes, i actually didnt like the way he approach to her while she was drunk. Yes, the scene where he told her to not get a job and ask him if she needs something was hella wrong, but dont forget that he didnt force her to not get a job, bc she actually did get the job, and he visits her and help her with it. Tbh, i didnt like that much that Wu busong was trying to get Xiaoxi, she clearly doenst like him back, and he knows it. He do not force her, but, the proposal was kinda forced, he did know the answer before, but he did all of that to "confirm" Also, Jiang Cheng explain why he has such an attitude, he explains that he's used to people left him, example: His mother(who took his youngest brother and leave jiang cheng alone, and he was taking care of all "adults things" such as bills, and etc.), his father who DIED when he was lil, he was lonely af. But he likes Xiaoxi, bc, even tho he's not used of being loved or being with someone in general, he appreciate all her efforts. Also he told her that he loves her so much, and he feels really greatful for it. He's not a perfect character, but neither are Xiaoxi and Wu busong.

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